As a parent there are situations that present themselves that we never could have predicted
And in those moments are some of the greatest quotes of history. Kick back, have a laugh and then add your own. You can e-mail me here to have your quote added. At this point I intend to keep the quotes anonymous, but if you wish to have your name included just indicate so in your submission. Thanks for your help!
ENJOY! Hear are some I overhead from my own mouth recently:
Step away from the baby with that light saber.
If you are going to touch yourself there you need to wash your hands before and after.
Get out of the fireplace.
When I asked a group of women to tell me about some of the funny things they have said as a parent, I got the following:
Babe..can I please have the Boppy pillow back. I know you both are sharing it but it is used for breastfeeding …not for grand theft auto and the playstation. ( I swear he uses it more than the baby does.)
(to my husband after he changed a very long-awaited diaper amidst allergy worries)
“Was there a lot of poop? What did it look like? What did it smell like?”
I never thought poop would be such a conversation topic.
“Please don’t play with your poop anymore.”
“Was that a green bean…..ohhh black eyed peas are scary when they come out the other end.”
And one Mama was loaded: “JT please don’t stand on the cheese anymore.” -at the grocery store.
“John, please don’t let Emma eat the baby.”
And more recently, “Does anybody know where Jesus went? Shelby had him in the playroom last night…”
“I found Jesus. He was in the bottom of the toy box, under a zebra.”
“JT, don’t dip the your race car in the cheese.”
“Take your penis OFF THE TABLE!!!” (don’t worry friends. I cleaned it, lol)
“Well go call some normal people and find out what kind of jelly they use on their sandwiches!”
“Get “Knocked up” if you want to.”
(said to my 18yo on her cell phone when she was asking me what movie to rent)
“IF YOU COME DOWN THOSE STAIRS, YOU BETTER BE PUKING OR ON FIRE!!!
“Please do not lick cheese off my shirt.”
“Is there blood? There better be blood!” Today when my daughter did one of her hair raising, earth shattering, blood curdling screams.
“Kaia, do not eat that worm!”
“Get your foot out of my potholder!”
“Please don’t punch me in the face while you’re nursing.” Seriously, nursing is a contact sport these days! She never actually hurts me, just annoys me by poking, prodding, pinching, punching, flipping over, etc.
“Don’t handcuff your sister to the cat!”
“Don’t eat that french fry out of your diaper!”
“Sit up on the potty or you’re going to pee in your face!” Zachary had a boner and needed to pee at the same time. It was stiff and he was leaning back on the toilet, forcing his “unit” to point straight in the air. LOL never a dull moment in my house.
“Don’t brush your sister’s hair with the fork.”
(Preface: Child in the bath peed, got a cup and started drinking the bath water) “Did you just drink your pee pee?”