Who are you to judge?

I have worked so hard on my personal growth and dedication toward becoming a more peaceful and accepting individual. My journey has presented many speed bumps and detours along the way. I believe the most humbling gift the universe has given me was my daughter. I used to judge people for their actions, their words, for everything honestly.

After I had Trinity I became very passionate about health and HER health specifically. While pregnant I educated myself with books and with the real life experiences of other mothers so that I could gain as much knowledge as possible. I wanted to be prepared. I spoke with professionals prior to my daughter’s birth about infant health and mental well-being, childbirth options, and everything under the spectrum of motherhood. I made a commitment to myself, my husband and my unborn child, to give her the best possible start in life. And I did just that. I exclusively breastfed Trinity for the first 9 1/2 months of her life. After that point we introduced solid foods (skipped the jarred stuff all together). I wore Trinity in a baby carrier (a wrap or a sling) and never left her in an infant carrier (aka, infant car seat, or baby bucket). I have used cloth diapers to reduce her amount of chemical exposure (do you KNOW what’s in those disposable diapers and what they are doing to our ecosystem?!?!) ONE diaper takes 500 years to decompose and by the time your child is of potty-learning age they will have accumulated 1 TON of diapers in the landfill (yes, that is just ONE child). I allow my child to sleep in the same bed as me, next to me, warm, secure, and protected. I practice a style of parenting commonly referred to attachment parenting (google it, it’s a real thing). This method is preferred by many because of it’s proven psychological and physiological benefits. But most importantly, it’s what felt RIGHT to me, what felt NORMAL.

I have had a very hard time understanding the mother who leaves her defenseless, scared child alone in a cold wooden crib to cry all alone, or who by choice (or lack of proper education) substitutes the best nutrition (with LIVE immunities-yes breastmilk is a living thing, do some research!) possible with a formula for disaster. UNICEF estimates that 1.5 million babies die each year worldwide — because they are not breastfed. Breastfeeding significantly reduces diarrhea (a leading cause of infant death) and lowers the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Breastfed babies are protected against bacterial meningitis, have lower rate of pneumonia, allergies, ear infections, asthma, gastrointestinal illness, inflammatory illness, juvenile diabetes, childhood lymphoma, and learning and behavioral difficulties. One study has shown that premature breastfed babies had higher IQs than artificially-fed babies. Breastfed babies also have lower rates of dental decay and obesity and are less likely to develop heart disease in adulthood. Need I say more? The WHO (World Health Organization) recommends that a mother breastfeed her child for a MINIMUM of TWO YEARS and for as long thereafter as mutually desired. There are benefits to what some call *extended nursing* (nursing past one year of age).

Now, being a natural childbirth and breastfeeding advocate I will admit to having judged people who never educated themselves about their options and what the best possible choices are regarding their child’s physical and mental health. It took me a long time to be able to see a woman bottle feed and not break down and cry. I took my passion and threw it into volunteer work for the local Health Department here and started educating pregnant women on the WIC program (most of whom were poorly educated, young and on or below the poverty level). I was able to run a breastfeeding support group/education class and really felt like I was giving back. I became a distributor for cloth diapers and baby carriers because I believe these things make a difference in a child’s life. What I finally learned with time to STOP doing was judging other mother’s and hurting for their children even though my heart still hurts for the ones who never had a fair chance b/c of the lack of concern or regard from the mother.

So tell me then, why is it that with all the research I have done and education I have received that *I* am now the one under the microscope? I am so confused about how any mother could look at me and see ANYthing I have done (in the aforementioned areas of child rearing/child bearing) as anything less than WONDERFUL, COMMENDABLE, and INSPIRING. It is my belief that many times people have a hard time accepting people who are different because 1.They are ignorant. 2.The are not open-minded. 3.They have guilt issues of their own that you somehow reinforce by doing right. & 4.Because a fear of admitting that what someone else has done differently from you may be a better/safer/healthier choice, you are somehow admitting that what you yourself have done is wrong or bad.

I honestly just want people to look at me and see me for who I am. Stop worrying about whether or not I am pregnant and planning a homebirth, or still nursing my almost 2yr old. Do some damn research before you decide you have a right to say anything, because if you aren’t educated about what you are saying, then you are essentially just a trouble maker with guilt issues or just plain ignorance. I do not hit my child, I do not use punitive discipline, I no not believe a woman needs drugs to have a baby (she needs support and proper education), I do not believe that infant formula is equivalent to breastmilk (it ISN’T-and if your pediatrician told you it was, you need a new doctor), I do believe in a healthy diet, toxin/chemical free home environments, love, respect and peace. So what if you don’t? What I believe has no effect on how I feel about people who don’t feel the same. It took me along time to accept that people are different and not let this affect me. But as for people who ridicule and judge without even taking the first look at the hard facts- I think you stink! That’s all…stepping off of my soapbox now…

Advertisements

About Mamamojo

My name is T. I am a homeschooling, home/water birthing, dreadlocked, special needs mama to four beautiful daughters. I'm married to my best friend. I am a natural childbirth and breastfeeding advocate. I have done some volunteer work as a peer counselor with WIC and as a doula with Birthwell Partners and plan to be a midwifery assistant one day. My blog was created to put some alternative information out there about breastfeeding, childbirth & other issues regarding motherhood and life in general. I hope that you enjoy reading here and visit me often. Thanks for reading!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Who are you to judge?

  1. Anonymous says:

    Good for you mama! I think the fact that you have taken time to do your job (research what is best – and what you are doing IS best) is wonderful. The world needs more loving mothers just like you!

  2. Erika says:

    I think that you are great! Right on with it!

  3. Ciera says:

    “I took my passion and threw it into volunteer work for the local Health Department here and started educating pregnant women on the WIC program (most of whom were poorly educated, young and on or below the poverty level). I was able to run a breastfeeding support group/education class and really felt like I was giving back. I became a distributor for cloth diapers and baby carriers because I believe these things make a difference in a child’s life. What I finally learned with time to STOP doing was judging other mother’s and hurting for their children even though my heart still hurts for the ones who never had a fair chance b/c of the lack of concern or regard from the mother.”

    You are seriously my hero! Good for you!

    C.

  4. daddy drivel says:

    I think you are full of shit, you say you don’t judge others but you do. Maybe you should do some research about “crying it out” it’s not the cold heartless method that you think it is. It’s about reassuring your child through seperation anxiety. Your profile says you don’t vaccinate your kid, the worst side effects from vaccinations are the eradication of polio, tetnus, diptheria, etc, etc.

  5. DeAnn says:

    Way to go mama! You have put so much time and effort into researching what is best for your precious daughter, and you’ve grown so much along that journey. You are a wonderful mother and advocate for more natural and gentle parenting methods!

  6. Hmhm says:

    “It took me a long time to be able to see a woman bottle feed and not break down and cry.”

    Then get some help. Seriously. What if it was pumped milk in that bisephanol-free bottle (I’m sure you’d just cry harder if those mothers dared to use avent or another polycarbonite brand)? What if the mother was not able to be the primary caregiver? It’s people like you that really shouldn’t be working as breastfeeding advocates. And I say that from a natural birth, extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping experience myself, so don’t get on MY case for not breastfeeding. Because I still do. You only breastfed until 9 months? Hah! How wimpy of you.

    I was fortunate enough to have resources to support breastfeeding. I was fortunate enough to have an easy birth. I was fortunate enough to be able to afford to stay home and take care of my daughter. But I know many women aren’t that lucky, and I’ve researched the topic enough to know that commercial formula has been around since the twenties and that, if you look at history, there have ALWAYS been women who can’t breastfeed their own kids. And there have always been alternatives — some better than others. By the sixties, I think something like only 20% of Americans were breastfed. Do you think all of other 80% grew up overweight, asthmatic and retarded? What about your parents?

    Those poor, WIC, young, ill-educated women, having someone as biased as you calling the shots in their lives. If you want to cry for anyone, cry for them. Or, better yet, find them some decent wage and childcare options that allow them to pump at work and take care of their own kids. It’s easy to point fingers. It’s harder to find real solutions for real people. Formula is one. Deal with it. If it bothers you so, so much — work on inventing a better formula. Donate to a milk bank. Do something besides make mothers feel bad about themselves.

  7. Tara says:

    In response to Hmhm:

    I took into consideration that bottle feeding mothers may actually be feeding breastmilk to the baby. I also took into consideration that the woman bottle feeding may be an adoptive mother or not the primary caregiver. I get that some women medically CANNOT breastfeed, that’s why I am okay now with seeing it. I was sad for those babies because breastmilk is so important and as a first time mother, a young mother at that, I can admit that that may seem overly sensitive of me, but once I learned all about breastmilk and breastfeeding I just became very passionate about it all, know what I mean?

    And for your information I am not a wimp, nor am I wimpy. You obviously misread what I wrote. I said that I nursed me daughter EXCLUSIVELY for 9 1/2 months, not ONLY for 9 1/2 months. And how terribly hateful of you to call me a wimp even if that had been the case. Shame on you! Matter of fact, I am still nursing my 31 month old right along with my 3 month old, so how do you like them apples?

    I never said that people who weren’t breastfed grew up overweight, asthmatic or retarded. You should take a course in Reading Comprehension because yours is way off, that or you are just an ass and I am willing to bet it’s a little of both! Breastfeeding simply reduces the risks of obesity and asthma, it isn’t a golden ticket to perfect health, but I am sure someone as smart as you knew that already.

    I don’t call the shots in ANYONE’s life!! I myself WAS a poor, young, WIC mother. And for what it’s worth I didn’t say those things to be demeaning, I said them to elaborate on a point. I was a counselor for WIC and we DID in FACT help mothers to pump at work, we counseled them on pumping and rented them dual-electric hospital grade electric pumps FOR FREE.

    I don’t make ANYONE feel bad bout their self. It’s flattering that you think I have some kind of magical power to control how other people think and feel, but if that were the case I wouldn’t waste my magic power MAKING people FEEL BAD, I’d be making sure that they knew about and cared enough to breastfeed. Thanks for stopping by, but ignorance isn’t tolerated here, and neither is your hatefulness.

  8. Carmon says:

    Great information. Lucky me I recently found your site by accident (stumbleupon).
    I have book marked it for later!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s