Just cause…

I just have to put this out there in light of couple responses I have gotten on my blog…

I am not here to argue just to get it off of my chest “JUST CAUSE.”

Just because millions of people eat a lot of processed foods and fast food and are still relatively healthy doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to do it.

Just because a lot of people let their babies cry it out and the babies are ‘just fine’ doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.

Just because millions of people smoke cigarettes and NEVER get cancer or die from complications related to smoking doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.

Just because people have been drinking sodas and diet sodas for long periods of time and are ‘just fine’ doesn’t make it the best idea.

Just because many people vaccinate their children by the thousands every year and they don’t all have adverse reactions doesn’t mean there isn’t a risk associated with doing so.

ALL OF THESE INSTANCES HAVE SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE SUPPORTING THAT THERE IS A RISK INVOLVED WITH THEM!!!

JUST BECAUSE BABIES ‘THRIVE’ ON ARTIFICIAL BABY MILK/FORMULA DOES NOT, I REPEAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT THERE IS NO RISK ASSOCIATED WITH DOING SO!

Feed your child however you wish, by all means, it’s YOUR child. But DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT argue with me that JUST CAUSE YOUR CHILD TURNED OUT “JUST FINE” that it is a GOOD IDEA to do so because it JUST ISN’T.

And I am truly sorry for the mothers who truly cannot breastfeed. And I commend the adoptive mothers who attempt to lactate and the mothers with serious breastfeeding issues who give it all they have before giving up and I UNDERSTAND why people formula feed. I get it, I know, I understand. But all the reasons in the world that may or may not justify why you do what you do with regards to feeding your child does not change the fact that there are, INDEED risks associated with formula feeding that are not associated with breastfeeding.

Hell, you’ve heard the stories from your mothers and grandmothers about how they brought babies up with Condensed Milk and Karo Syrup – were they ‘just fine?’ SURE they were! But damn, come one, gimme a break!!!

It’s okay to stand up

There are so many times that it is inappropriate or disrespectful to go against the grain. It’s often times considered rude and rebellious to do things outside of the norm. We live in such a culturally diverse world yet we are expected to be a cookie cutter image of what society says we should be. But normal my friend, fits in a wide canyon. It’s okay to bite your tongue, it’s also okay to save face, but when it comes to you and your children, it’s okay to stand up.

It’s okay to stand up to in-laws, neighbors, cousins, and strangers who may argue with your decision to breastfeed your baby. It’s alright to stand up to grandparents and anonymous bloggers who say you shouldn’t co-sleep and that you are doing this world some injustice by not vaccinating, or doing so selectively. It’s acceptable to stand up to your pediatrician when he tells you that you need to wean your 1 year old when you know better. It’s legal to be the mother you want to be, after all it is you that has to live with what you create. It’s perfectly fine not to spank your children and to home school, unschool or whatever it is you choose to do. It’s okay to do it your way. And it’s not okay for others to push themselves on you, call you radical, irresponsible, accuse you of spoiling your children or anything else inflammatory. And it’s your right to put them right back into their place when they attempt to do so. The secret to a happy life is boundaries.

So the next time someone makes a snide remark about how many children you have or asks if they are all yours, or someone stares at you for wearing your baby in a sling or nursing in public or someone actually has the nerve to pretend to know anything at all about you in the first 5 seconds of speaking to you, give em the ole heave ho and stick it to em loud and clear. Boundaries are important and a life without boundaries makes for one unhappy mama. You have the right to stand up.

I knew it all, until it happened to me

I’ll be completely honest with you. I was the best mother ever before I had kids. I often saw other mothers out and about with their toddlers and little ones angrily talking through clenched teeth, threatening to smack bottoms, and the like. I saw children around two years old and older with pacifiers – GASP! I watched as mothers bribed children to sit still with M&Ms, Tic-Tacs, trips to the playground and everything else under the sun. Oh the things I said I’d never do…

I watched as mothers half grinned though embarrassment at their small child throwing a tantrum as they excused the behavior with, “Sorry, he didn’t have a nap,” “She is getting her molars,” and “He’s 2 and a 1/2.” I silently promised myself to never excuse my child’s ‘bad behavior’ because I would teach them to act better than that. I swore my child would never be that child. You just have to teach them better than that. You just have to put your foot down a little harder. You’ve got to make sure they know who is in charge.

All the times I watched children on the playground, at the park and other places I vowed to never let my children hit other children. I would ask myself,”What in the world is wrong with these children? What in the world are these mothers doing to create such little monsters?”

Then the light came shining down as my first born turned 2. And then the top of the world came crashing down when she turned 2 and a 1/2. And people say God doesn’t have a sense of humor…ever hang out with a 2 and a 1/2yr old? It is amazing how great of a mother I was before I ever had children. For now I am the mother who occupies her child with Tic-Tacs in the shopping cart, who allows her to ‘ride in the big part’ because it keeps her from pitching a fit and who is being hit, kicked and challenged at every other word that comes out of my Mama mouth!

The world has a way of humbling us all. I used to feel like such a failure when my daughter went from sweet, compliant, helpful and happy to feisty, argumentative, stubborn and determined as all get out to do it her way and on her own terms. So many days I sat and cried thinking I failed at Motherhood because my daughter was now that child that I swore she’d never be. Then it hit me like a crowbar to the forehead…it isn’t about me. It’s about her. This is her journey, her battle, her growth, her life. She has to challenge, to question, to push boundaries to find out where she fits in. It isn’t about intentionally ruining my day, it’s about finding her balance on an ever spinning world.

Oh the difference it makes to see this for what it really is. My independent, beautiful, strong-willed child is every bit of what I wanted her to be, herself. And now I no longer feel like a failure, but I reach out to other mothers and we bond through common ground, experience and challenges. So to any of you who feel it’s about you, guess again. Once you have children, it isn’t about you anymore. Once you retrain your mind to think differently, once you change your perspective and pay attention to how you allow yourself to respond, things will flow much smoother. But again, easier said than done.

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